payless: who knew?

Normally I do not shop at Payless, because I have this weird thing about needing all of my non-sneaker shoes to have leather soles. They last longer and they just wear better, you know? But I saw a woman on the bus who was wearing the best Repetto knockoffs I’ve ever seen, and when I asked about them, she told me she bought them at Payless.

So off I went last week into the discount-shoe wilderness. I didn’t find the ballet flats, unfortunately, but I did find a really great pair of ivory Victorian heels (not in my size, alas) that looked really fancy and fashiony for Payless.  And the store also had some of the new winter styles by Abaete, which are disarmingly good-looking. I’ve got my eye on an emerald green heel that, when on, looks just as good as a pair of $300 shoes. Sadly, I am too cheap to buy it at full price (even at Payless price!) because they always have those Buy One Get One Free sales. Anyway, Payless: not as lousy as I’d expected.

things you should never wear: jessica simpson edition

Every time I see these shoes, or one of the variations on them, I think of horsey Jessica Simpson clomping her way through her sad little life in these. I know she’s got a jillion dollars, and she pulled some great All About Eve shit by mimicking Britney’s career but being smart enough not to marry a true dipshit like Kevin Federline. But really, would you want to be Jessica Simpson–not the brightest girl, constantly being groomed by an overbearing father, stealing from Madonna’s lesser hits? I should think not.

And so that is why you should never wear a patent-leather high heel with a platform bed and an optional stacked heel. They look tarty and sleazy and cheap, like something a Reno hooker might put on to appear more like what she imagines Italian women look like, sadly not understanding that these shoes have DRAG QUEEN written all over them.

video look book

New York mag is doing these video versions of their Look Book feature. Some of the people are decent, like Padma Lakshmi, who comes off as being pretty cool and humble. But then you get winners like Chrissy Bradley? A grad student at NYU? Who ends everything in a question? And lives in a “gorgeous, big” Chelsea loft that she no doubt pays for completely on her own? And says things like “Fashion is an artifact of culture?”?

The California/Paris thing just isn’t happening, I’m afraid. Women in Paris do indeed rock the Jane Birkin bangs-in-the-eyes thing, but otherwise this is very Hot Topic. I know I’m being mean, but come on: If you are anything but erudite and articulate, run from anybody who wants to put video of you on the Internets.

things you should never wear: crocs

I am starting a new series of posts called Things You Should Never Wear. I’m doing this because I see people on the street who look as though they’ve graduated with honors from the Regis Philbin/Helen Keller School of Dressing Oneself.

First up: Crocs. I can’t believe I even have to spell this out, but judging by the tourists who lazily traverse the corporate-filled blocks of my city, there are many people who do not get it. And “it” is this: You should never, ever wear plastic shoes of any sort. The same goes for foam shoes. “Oh, but they are so comfortable,” whine the Crocs folk. No. No, they are not. Any shoe that makes your feet sweat is not comfortable. Any shoe that makes my head spin due to its total fugliness is not comfortable for me, and that is reason alone that you should never wear Crocs.

patrick robinson for target

Patty is the designer for Paco Rabanne, and if you’re like me, Paco Rabanne makes you thinkof those Designer Impostors colognes that were really big in the 80s: Do you love Paco Rabanne? Then you’ll LOVE Taco Baboon!

Anyway, WWD reports that Patrick Robinson is the post-Proenza designer Target’s lined up for its Go International collection. I am not very excited.

UPDATE: The line is features skinny jeans (enh), cargo pants (ugh), knicker pants (promising), cropped utility pants (gross), bubble skirts (horrors!), paper-bag waist skirts (whee!) and pleated dresses (we’ll see).

southpaw

I really love these Southpaw trousers, even though I could not pull them off because, while thin, I am not FREAKY thin, and any pants that have curves are bound to make even Kate Moss clones look like Mo’nique on the bottom. Anyway, if you are genetically blessed or you just refuse to eat enough, you can get ‘em on sale at Jake.

lerario beatriz: one to watch

…used to be called Beatriz Lerario, or at least it was in its nascent stages if memory serves. The designer, Ana Lerario, works for fiftytwo showroom, which reps some great lines; she started in the biz-a-ness as an intern for Marc Jacobs. The line, now in its second season, is really easy to wear — it’s filled with the sort of simple pieces with knitted details that you can just throw on and look fantastic because of it. The line is sold at Barneys in Japan, a few shops in New York, and (unfortunately) nowhere online as far as I know. Pity.

>> Lerario Beatriz

nikki sixx, fashion icon?

Do you want this man dressing you?

If, like me, you do not, you will be disheartened by the launch of Royal Underground. I know it sounds like your high school boyfriend’s attempt to launch a Royal Trux/Velvets tribute band, but instead it is a clothing line designed by Mötley Crüe’s Nikki Sixx and the former CEO of St. John. Prices start at $100 for a made-overseas tee, because rockers and aging Paris Hilton lookalikes need your hard-earned money. No thanks.

proenza schouler + target = lurve

The Fashion Spot reports that Proenza Schouler will be Target’s next designer. Holy merde! I just hope the boob-sacks in the bustier aren’t so big that my tiny ta-tas swim in them.